It Wasn't Your Fault
by x snow-pony x
Summary: Short one-shot set just after Lily falls off the roof. Credit to Linneagb for the idea.


**A/N So, Linneagb sent me this idea and I just had to write it! This is set in The Burnywood Menace just after Lily's fallen off the roof.**

I watched in horror as Lily fell, her helplessly rolling down the roof and onto the ground below.

For a few moments I just stood there, unable to move. I'd been trying to help, and now Lily could be dead.

Because of me.

"Tracy!" Gina yelled, interrupting my thoughts. "Down here! Now!"

I began slowly inching my way across the roof, trying to work out the way I'd come.

I didn't want to end up on the ground as well.

I finally reached the roof hatch and climbed down the ladder, tears threatening to start rolling down my cheeks.

I wished I'd never gone up there.

I made my way down to the front door, and then went outside. A couple of the kids turned round to look at me, but most of them were focussed on Lily, as was I.

She was lying on the ground, one leg at a weird angle.

It made me sick to think I'd caused this.

Gina was phoning an ambulance by this point, and there was nothing more I could do than just wait, the image of Lily hitting the ground playing in my head over and over again, there being nothing I could do to stop it.

I stood there for a while, frozen, just watching the scene unfold in front of me. The kids were starting to move away, still huddled together in shock, and Mike and Gina were desperately trying to communicate with Lily.

It wasn't working.

Tee came over to stand by me, looking just as upset as I felt. "Will she be OK?"

I took a moment to answer her, unsure of the answer myself. "I hope so."

Tee looked ready to cry. I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, putting on a brave smile just for a moment.

It wasn't long before the ambulance arrived, and we all stepped back to give them some space. As Lily was strapped up and being moved into the ambulance the kids moved forward to see, and I moved forward too, still to shocked to properly process what was happening.

I was aware of Gina coming next to me, and asked her something I would later regret: "Should I go with her?"

"I think you've done enough already," she replied, clearly furious with me.

As she moved to go into the ambulance I took a couple of steps forward until I was next to Mike.

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

Mike turned to face me, obviously having heard me, and his face softened. "It wasn't your fault."

 _But it was._

I looked up at him as he pulled me into a hug, and rested my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

As he went to stroke my hair I moved away, knowing I didn't deserve the comfort.

"It wasn't your fault, Tracy," said Mike softly.

"It was," I said. It was barely more than a whisper, but Mike heard it.

"You didn't make Lily go up there," he said. "You probably shouldn't have gone up there yourself, but it's not your fault that she followed you."

I stayed silent for a moment before I spoke again. "I'm so sorry."

Mike didn't say anything, but he gave my back a rub, telling me not to worry.

We stood there for a few short moments more before Carmen came over.

"Is Lily going to be OK?" she asked.

Mike took one arm off me and put it round her shoulders, rubbing her arm. "I'm sure she will be."

Carmen gave a sad smile and went back to join the others.

Mike pulled away from me slightly and gave my shoulder a squeeze. "Come on. We need to get everyone inside."

I gave him a small, brave smile, before I followed him to the door.

* * *

It was only an hour later, but everything was so much worse now.

Mike had been suspended, Elm Tree House had been closed, all the kids were off to new homes for a week, I was out of a job for that time.

And all of it was still my fault.

Mike stood next to me as we watched the kids getting their bags and going into the various cars to take them to their temporary places, and he gave me a small smile.

I just about managed to give one back.

I looked down to the floor, before I looked back to Mike. "I'm so sorry."

Mike sighed, rubbing my shoulder. "It's OK."

I was sure Mike wanted to say it wasn't my fault, but I knew I'd never believe him.

I wasn't sure he believed it anymore either.

I gave Mike another small smile. "I'll see you when we reopen?"

I couldn't stop the tears from falling, and neither could Mike.

We gave each other a tight hug, both knowing it was going to be tough, but also both knowing we'd be able to get through it.

As I pulled away Mike began to speak.

"I know you won't listen, Tracy, being as stubborn as ever, but don't blame yourself this week."

"But..." I began.

"Don't," Mike interrupted. "It wasn't your fault."

I still couldn't quite believe him, but knowing Mike was on my side made me feel a lot better.

"Do you think I could go and see Lily?" I asked.

Mike gave me a small smile. "I'm sure you can go later, once Gina's gone. She'll want to see you."

I gave him a grateful smile, before I took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'll see you soon."

Mike squeezed my hand back. "See you next week."

I gave him one last smile before I turned to walk home.

I wished now I'd never gone up onto the roof in the first place, but there was no point crying over something I couldn't change, like Liam always said.

I just had to now make it right.

And boy, was I going to try the hardest I ever had.

Because, well, because it was Mike.

And it was the very least he deserved.


End file.
